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Champion
 
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| I now have a nearly overwhelming urge to start a group of "healer boyfriends" in search of the long lost "fighter girlfriends" and because as we know all healers are women we'd all have to camp it up completely (that comment was made as a joke so please don't lynch me for it quite yet). We could even hire ourselves out to women. They could pay us dowrys for their very own permanent healer husband! We'd be kind of like the polar opposite to Amazons (i.e. you couldn't buy us off the internet.....wait.....that was barely even a joke....I apologise). Matt J ----------
If I wanted to listen to an arsehole, I'd fart!
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Squire
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Last Login: Friday, November 28, 2008 1:27 PM
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Offensive, misinformed, and to be honest I've never heard it before. But then, I don't hear much. I have heard of experiences, though, when a player who has little to no experience larping creates a character to lean on another character, because they were the one who introduced them to the hobby. At my first event I was a little like this, but I managed to latch onto a group and didn't look back. For some people this might take longer (My first event was terrifying and I told myself I would never do it again), or they might decide it's not for them. Are you going to help their gradual drawing into the fold by sneering at them?
I'm convincing my partner to come along to the one-after-next Maelstrom event. They're going to have a bloody big axe and they are already sure what kind of group they want to attach themselves to. Their enthusiasm is terrifying, considering they have never roleplayed in their life before. Healer my arse - It's more likely that he'll jump me in the woods and hack me to bits. I'm inclined to think that those who sneer and use the term either are unattached themselves, or are bitter over failures to get their own attachments into the hobby. =D
~~~
PD - Richard Midear, "Poor impulse control", charmingly waistcoated soldierage.
RL - Bill, "Delusions of grandeur", twitchy larper at large.
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Knight
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| I'd never heard the phrase before reading it on here the other week. I think the LARPers I mix with must be an especially non-judgemental and easy-going lot. I came into LARP entirely because my other half had been LARPing for years before we got together, and he asked me if I wanted to go along to an event - it was Sinergy, as it happens, which made it a gentle introduction - I only got blown up twice on my first event. He helped me design my char, after first making sure I had a concept, he explained the rules and helped me choose skills. In all honesty, the whole thing cuts two ways. If someone drags along a partner who isn't really interested, then they'll mooch around and be unconvincing, whether playing a healer or a tank. If someone brings along a partner who IS interested, but doesn't explain the system and really help them build their char, the result will be a char that doesn't work and a player who can't enjoy themself for worrying about rules they don't understand. If, like my Beloved, you bring along a complete noob who IS interested AND you help them design their char, chances are you won't see much of them at the event (Beloved and I share a trailer but don't see much of each other in game at events) AND you will be able to froth with them for weeks afterwards. If someone goes along to an event without making any sort of effort (and I have seen the odd one of these), then they will of course not enjoy themselves either, no matter how much effort their other half puts in. I don't think much of the phrase 'healer girlfriend/boyfriend', it certainly sounds vaguely pejorative, - at the same time, its the way many people start out - so I shall make a point, if I hear it used at an event, of beating up the perpetrator with the largest weapon I have to hand at the time (choice being staff, longsword, mace, hammer or Walther P90!)
Raina and Anara Tasar, Legion of Dreams
Cleopatra, Sinergy
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Prodigal
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Sorry if my previous comment sounded a bit arsey OxfordGirl, I'm just reacting to what I've experienced before in that something will be discussed, lots of people will agree, and then it becomes canon that everyone in the scene should also believe the same or be outcasts and labelled as pariahs. It's happened lots in the Goth scene where I come from and I've found the best way of stopping it going in that direction is to nip it in the bud with comedy before it starts. I do agree to a certain extent that it implies sexism but not what I would consider of a dangerous level. I wouldn't use it in polite conversation but I wouldn't also take it too seriously. A bit like the term "ArseFace": you don't say it in front of your grandparents (at least I wouldn't) but it's also not the C word, plus it has a little bit of comedy in there to make folks smile. 
___________________________________________________
PD:- Dr/Cpt Heinrich Bellamorto - Pickled Surgeon
- "Shoot him in the eye, the face is for ruffians and amateurs."
- "I'm holding a pistol and I have a pocket that cries PARTY! We are NOT having a quiet one!"
- "Lovable in a Hitler kind of way" - Sass
EOS:- Jarn - Psychotic Runty Orc Beserker
- "Hello my Pretty Pretty...fancy some muddy cuddles?"
- "If we are what we eat, I could be you tomorrow..."
RL:- Pete Bridges - IT Mercenary and RA (special) Agent for Suffolk Mental Health Partnership
- "[LARP], it's not like drugs although it's probably just as expensive"
- "Yes, I snorted the Everclear and the Strawberry stuff with pips in"
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Champion
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Last Login: Thursday, November 27, 2008 6:59 PM
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Pete: I don't find the term offensive because of some "canon" agreement in the "scene", and nor, as far as I can tell, do any of the other LARPers - female and otherwise - who feel the same as me.
If you like, you're welcome to try and similarly "demilitarise" or comedically downgrade the phrase "misogynist arsehole". I'm certainly not going to stop using it about people who call new female LARPers "healer girlfriends", so it may be your only recourse if you're interested in continuing to use the phrase, and if you particularly care about what I call you in turn.
(For reference, I find the assertion that there are "dangerous" and "non-dangerous" levels of sexism to be laughable. Out of interest, are there "non-dangerous" levels of racism and homophobia, too? Is calling me a queer "non-dangerous" homophobia, but spraypainting it on my door "dangerous"? I'm not talking about reclamation of sexist, racist or homophobic terminology as part of idiolectic negative politeness - I'm pretty sure that an utterance is either sexist or it's not; and any instance of sexism or homophobia, however slight, is actively and personally dangerous to me.)
I'm aware that you're not trying to be sexist when you use the term, and that you're not trying to offend people. That's part of the problem. Discriminatory utterances produced out of ignorance of their effect upon the victim can be just as damaging and cyclical as those produced out of actual malice, if not more so.
--
PD: Then: Some dead Wemic, some dead Puritan, Peggy Novak. Now: Samael den Shemhazai of the Sephirot.
White City: Then: Cpt. Ambriel Chermes, Broken Guard. Now: Sir Cordelia of the Shining Order.
RL: Helen W, RPGSoc.
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Heroic Knight
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I have never heard the term before reading it on this forum, but understand the concept and why it could be interpreted as offensive, to both genders, if applied in a way that suggests a healer boy/girl friend is an extension on their partners primary and not recognized as a competent characture within their own right.
However, its only natural to take an interst in what your partner is up to and so can understand why non larpers would like to try it and the larpie not wanting to involve them too deeply at the first event in case they dont like it and decide not to return. A lot of partners at events whose first choice of hobby is NOT larp are generally supportive of their partner and vice versa, and there is little manipulation just a desire to spend time together.
Generally, ive found PD to be a great system full of supportive and non judgemental players
Give me what I want and maybe no one gets hurt
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Squire
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I wasn't going to reply to this topic as I've already emerged from my lurkiness too much recently for my liking, but to hell with it, I'm replying anyway.
I have personally been on the recieving end of the 'Healer Girlfriend' comments.....and the LARPer Girlfriend comments, even though I was a LRPer in my own right before I had a LRPer boyfriend. Now, I'm a pretty quiet person who seems to remain mostly invisible to most of the LRP community and I definately don't like being hit by large men wielding rubber-coated sticks. It aint my idea of fun like it is for other people. So unsurprisingly, my first LRP (a local linear which has long since fizzled out) found me playing a healer, mostly so that I didn't get hit by the large men wielding rubber-coated sticks, and also so that I could sort of watch from the distance and get a better feel for the rules and the system in general. And because I hooked up with a fellow LRPer at that first event who was much more....well....loud, energetic and noticable than I was, I'm afraid I got lumped into the 'Healer Girlfriend' category.
2 years later when my LRPer other half and I broke up, I was still going to Maelstrom because I love it. I went through a couple of different characters to find one I liked, but I went because I wanted to, and I had wanted to go all along. However, in a chat with a mate at the first 'Strom I attended sans LRPer boyfriend, I was actually a little insulted when he turned around and said "Well at least you're out from under the Healer Girlfriend cloud now". I was a little horrified to find that people thought of me this way. It was as though, because I'm a quiet, rather shy, and lets face it, not the most memorable of people in comparison to the boyfriend of the time whom just about everyone seemed to know, or at least know of, that I hadn't really been classed as 'One Of Them'.
I love playing healers and surgeons. I really get into it and I've had so much fun playing them. My first character was a healer....my current character is a healer. And I've had a couple more healers in between, sandwiched with a sorceror and a couple of gun bunnies.
I didn't mind being 'The LARPer Girlfriend' all that much at the time, although terms like that and 'Healer Girlfriend' DO imply that, the quiet shy girl who doesn't like combat is useless and incompetant and weak, and worse, that they did not choose this hobby for themselves, and they are not LRPers in their own right. If people think that, then screw them.
Its called Live Action Roleplay for a reason. You are there to play a role: a character of your choosing, and your right is to play that character however you wish. And if, like me, you wish to avoid being hit with a stick at every oppertunity, and like quieter talky talky roles, then you should be able to do that without having the stigma of 'Usless Fucking Girl Profession" hanging over your chosen character concept like a black cloud! Its not called Live Action Combat. You should not be made to feel useless or incompetant if you don't like the fighty side of things.
So....eventually getting round to answering the topic question: Yes, I find the term 'Healer Girlfriend' very offensive when used to imply that, just because a girl plays a healer character and may have a boyfriend doing the same hobby, she is a waste of space. To be honest though, I really don't know now, if it can be taken any other way but offensive.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
PD: Meiko - Surgeon and Apothecary: Golden Dragon Trading
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Initiate
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Last Login: Tuesday, June 24, 2008 10:56 PM
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| How much is the offensiveness of the term related to the attitudes within specific systems? Within LT playing a girlfriend playing a healer as a first character might be a stereotype, but actually a large proportion of "healer girlfriends" find their character a really good introduction to the gameworld, and really get into the hobby as a result. In fact, in a way I'm quite proud of running a "girlfriend creche", if that means that my guild is seen as the ideal place for new players to find their feet, because we are welcoming of new players and provide a good roleplaying experience.
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