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Wag
 
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Last Login: Today @ 4:39 PM
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Jean de Winter (7/9/2008)
Having had to do a lot of film reviewing in my former job, I have two contenders: 2) The Straight Story. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0166896/ A film about an old guy who wants to meet up with his brother one last time to bury and old argument, but cannot drive. So he drives across America on a lawn mower. Unbelievably, it was directed by David Lynch and nominated for an Oscar. Yes and its one of the best films ive seen any about twenty years. You souless philistine. I do not wonder that it was only your former job that required you to review films.... (Yes you may take souless philistine as a personal attack... guidelines bedammed! )
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Heroic Knight
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Last Login: Today @ 3:26 PM
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Convergence with Christopher Lloyd was my suckiest film ever untill my guy made me watch "Black Sheep".
He is now a sadder, but wiser, man and cannot ever be allowed to go to the video shop alone ever again. Ever.
Give me what I want and maybe no one gets hurt
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Knight
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Last Login: Monday, August 04, 2008 8:01 PM
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Black sheep is one of the most awesome films in the world ever. How can you go wrong with zombie sheep with the special fx done by the LOTR peeps when they wanted to unwind.
However the worst is
Love Conquers Oil
A wide beach at sunset. A woman resembling Meg Ryan (for it is she) walks along the water's edge, her bare feet pressing into the sand. She thinks back to her childhood when she threw a message in a bottle into the sea. That message read "I love the earth/I love the sea/We must protect it/To keep it free".
Melancholic strings soar in the background.
In the comfortably yet masculinely furnished lighthouse, the lighthouse keeper who looks a lot like Tom Hanks (for it is he) reads the paper, plays with his golden retriever Goldie and polishes his bulb. He thinks back to the day he found a message in a bottle with a poem in it. He ponders on the simple beauty of this poem as he feeds his tame, one-legged pet seagull named Cap'n.
A few weeks later, both independent people co-incidentally find themselves in a court room. Environmental journalist and activist Meg is accused of causing an oil spill by attacking an oil tanker belonging to evil oil tycoon Kevin Costner (for it is he). Lighthouse keeper Tom is giving evidence, for he saw the whole thing from his lighthouse.
"I could never cause such damage," cries blondie Meg. "For when I was a child I made a pledge to the sea. I wrote a poem and I put it in a bottle and I swore that my love for nature would guide my life."
Strings soar again as Tom realises she is, in fact, his Dream Woman. But Oh Noes! He is giving evidence against her!
Tom risks it all for love, and shows his contempt for the court by refusing to testify against brave, fluffy Meg. Violins reach a crescendo as they embrace outside the courtroom. But Kevin the evil oil tycoon has other ideas. he instigates a riot and second-tall-man-with-pipe-wrench (for it is he) hurts a lawyer and poor Meg is blamed for causing controversy.
A month later, Meg has cleared her reputation and the happy couple are cuddling on the tastefully-furnished-but-now-with-a-woman's-touch-like-scatter-cushions couch in the lighthouse. The blond dog lies at their feet.
"There's a storm a-comin'," remarks Tom. He gets up to check his equipment. All of a sudden - what a startlingly dramatical coincidence enhanced by ominous cello strains! - he espies the Kevin the oil tycoon's luxury yacht in trouble.
"I must help him!" he cries "Even if he caused trouble for us and blackened our reputation. We are good people with good consciences!" and he grabs his oars and pulls hard.
Meg stands, alone, alarm bells and hands wringing. She paces the floor, then the stairs, then the beach. She peers through binoculars as the storm gathers force, and wraps herself fetchingly in a blanket as she weeps in concern.
Daylight ends. Night falls.
It is dawn. An eerie silence and the absence of orchestral score signifies something is wrong. Meg stands, forlorn, on the beach and the wood from Tom's dinghy washes up at her feet. She sinks to her knees clutching the dog and sobbing.
But wait! What is that? It's a life raft, and a helicopter, and the coastguard and uplifting music! Tom has saved the day! As he is brought to shore the joyous couple both abandon their blankets and rush into each other's arms where Tom kisses her tenderly and swears they will never be apart again. In gratitude, Kevin the oil tycoon realises the error of his ways and vows never to harm the environment again.
Tom and Meg are married on the clifftop by the lighthouse in the evening sun with the dog as a witness and an audience of seagulls. Happy music to fade.
Note: this film does not actually exist, but I still hate it and all films like it.
----------------------------
www.burntisclean.co.uk
Swashbucklin' adventures where it's good to be bad
and
www.burntisclean.co.uk/itsjustthewind
The horror!
and www.mythlore.co.uk
The reunion!
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Squire
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Last Login: 2 days ago @ 5:04 PM
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| Highlander 2 (there should have been only one) Solo (what the hell is this supposed to say!) Spawn AvP Requiem (I think a lot of people hav explained this one fully) Bloodrayne (How can so many good actors make such total total crap!) and I like troma films!
Maelstrom: Eegnor (Strange Manifestation of Theurgic Energies within the ritual site RIP) (Sheevers the Butler RIP) CP: Mikhael the Cambion Seer Serenity: Javier Shirow, RIghtous Indignation DV: Jarl Zerant, psychotic vending machine repair man FR: Alion LOD: Talon, "Bob" and Abernathy Many other Campaigns: Many other characters
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Heroic Knight
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Last Login: Today @ 8:27 PM
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| Thinking of Spawn ... I want my £5 back, Showcase Cinema ! p.s. Highlander should have NEVER existed full stop.
* PD - Old Groat LT - Gregorius Of Argolis Refuge - Kaffir Gateway - Star Child The First RL - Martin
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Wag
Group: Basic Members
Last Login: Today @ 4:39 PM
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| Lost in translation. the tale of a terribly lonely woman who insists on getting bored to tears on her own because she has no friends in a foreign place. Only she does actually have friends that she apparently ignores when plot convenient, so really not that much of a problem. Pointless whinger she is. Sideways. Not funny. At all. In anyway.
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Heroic Knight
Group: Basic Members
Last Login: Today @ 8:27 PM
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| Batman & Robin is yet another stinker. A film aimed at teenage boys that has gratuitous up-close shots of George Clooney's arse in bondage gear ? Yeah ... great ...
* PD - Old Groat LT - Gregorius Of Argolis Refuge - Kaffir Gateway - Star Child The First RL - Martin
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Champion
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thought of more stinkers, the grudge, and the ring, both jap and american versions, both absolutley boring, both annoying, And any film starring Thora hird, she's not exactly pretty and cant act.
____________________________________As the old robot saying goes "does not compute"
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