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Champion
 
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http://www.transformersmovie.com/main.html A new tranformers movie is coming out next month it seems, and from the trailers it looks good, except theres no cheesy 80's rock music in it 
____________________________________As the old robot saying goes "does not compute"
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Heroic Knight
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Directed by Michael Bay, with plot assistance from Stephen Speilberg. Which means that its going to be about a boy winning back the love of his estranged father - and then everything will explode.
No spoken or written word can ever be a substitute for one's own practical experience. No-one too can convince another who does not wish to believe what he is told - only the doubter loses by his incredulity - T.C. Lethbridge
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Champion
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you know you could be right, and its likely that they will just devote 70% of the camera time to showing boys girlfriend, but I'm going to be optimistic for this one though
____________________________________As the old robot saying goes "does not compute"
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Heroic Knight
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SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
Like a soldier in 'Nam lying bloody on the jungle floor, it is my duty to turn to all of you and say:
"Its too late for me, save yourselves, leave me to die"
Transformers. Is. The. Worst. Film. I've. Seen. In. A. Decade. (and I've seen Phantom Menace)
Its not just bad, its Michael Bay bad.
The action directing (the point of a popcorn-eating no-brainer franchise such as this) is atrocious, super fast bits of characters and objects flash past the screen so fast you can't work out whats supposed to be happening, you get no sense of continuity during these scenes, just sudden moments of slow mo before slamming back into watching robots that seem to exist in zero gravity. Kung-Fu movies stopped showing action direceted in this way in the early 80's when they realised it was a shit way to show action. What makes it more painful is the fact that the opening Decepticon attack is really well done, well directed, clear, exciting. Ok the robot looks nothing like any Decepticon I ever saw but I'm not a purist. But after this attack its just awful.
The script seems to have been written by a computer program and proof read by Michael Bay's 15 year old son. This film actually contains the line "There is only one hacker good enough to crack this code" And yes, the scene cuts to a big fat nerd that lives with his nan. Incredible.
The musical direction is a joke, its about as subtle as a clown repeatedly hitting you in the face with a hot iron with "you must feel excited now" carved into the scalding hot metal.
The characters are non-existant, essentially a bunch of racial and social stereotypes that go nowhere. Black people shout, swear and panic, Spanish people wont speak English, White suburbnanites are niave and... beige is the only way to describe them. Entire groups of characters are introduced and then vanish for the rest of the film.
Here is an example of character growth:
"Oh my god new-girlfriend, your dad was a criminal, I dont fancy you now"
"You're from the burbs, your life is easy, mine is hard"
"OK fair enough, I fancy you again"
And there it stops. Wow Mr Bay, with this character development you are really spoiling us.
Remember how in the cartoons (and indeed, lots and lots of other films) the villains had relationships and interaction. They squabbled and schemed talked to one another? They had character? All gone. As far as the robots are concerned there is more characterisation described on the film's website then actually takes place in the film.
Plot holes the size of Cybertron, and if I can spot them you know they're bad:
1) Megatron came to earth to use the flange-item he's chasing to turn human technology into Transformer technology and build an evil army. Ok, No problem.
2) He came to Earth thousands of years ago and got stuck in the north pole. Erm, so what technology did he have in mind when he arrived then?
3) All our technology (radar lasers etc) is based on the study of his frozen body. Right so I'll ask you again, if our tech didn't exist until thousands of years after he arrived, what technology was he planning to transform, especially as he didn't intend to get stranded in the snow for thousands of years?
Then there is the general level of incompetance of the super-secret government agency in a super-secret base so cool and super-secret it has all of three armed guards and no warning system to tell them when massive robots are approaching at speed.
Why is leading the evil destructive robots into a densely populated city described as a "good idea" by the shotgun wielding US Secretary of Defence when it results in hundreds of casualties? I thought at the time "surely that will lead to hundreds of human casualties?" And no, I dont think its supposed to be a clever swipe at US defence policy, the film just isn't that clever. Its got a lower IQ than the cup of tea next to your keyboard.
Jokes are streched out until they are very, very thin. A dog pisses on an Autobots foot, that goes on for a while. The Autobots hide near a house but they dont understand the concept of being quiet and not treading on flowerbeds. Hilarious. A decepticon spy robot walks past some humans with its hand up to the side of its face hoping it wont be spotted. Yeah, thanks.
The Special Forces unit of gung-ho stereotypes shoot at things with small arms fire to little effect, basically so that the transformers could be given a sense of scale. And of course, the first deceptacon attack is deadly but then as the film moves forward the bad guys forget how to shoot with any accuracy and forget how their weapons work. Oh and the US have special bullets that go through transformer force fields. Those force fields must fucking suck if technology that is thousands of years behind it can beat it.
Oh and the ending is, just, wow. After a world wide communications blackout (that goes on for at least a couple of hours) and massive escalation in world wide military activity as everyone assumes everyone else is planning to nuke them, a huge battle between about 10 massive, 30-70 foot robots takes place in the middle of an american city. There are casualties and hundreds of not thousands of civilians are involved and see the robots fighting.
But in the end... the US government just covers it up so the Autobots can stay. Oh, and they left it open for a sequel.
Lets look at some other films Mr Bay has "directed":
# The Island (2005)
# Bad Boys II (2003)
# Pearl Harbor (2001)
# Armageddon (1998/I)
# The Rock (1996)
# Bad Boys (1995)
Bay is a hack, he's a bad director who makes opening-weekender no-brainers, and he does so badly. DO NOT WASTE YOUR FUCKING TIME ON THIS SO CALLED FILM.
And rest.
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"Stick around!"
-Governor of California throwing a hunting knife into a man's chest
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Squire
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Way too much nonsense with random pathetic teenage Witwicky and his awful "romance" and far too little of the actual Transformers. In my head Starscream flies into space at the end in order to nuke Earth from orbit in a bid to ensure that this travesty is never repeated.
Oddly I seemed to be the only one that hated it out of a group of a dozen or so.
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Heroic Knight
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Arwel (7/30/2007)
Oddly I seemed to be the only one that hated it out of a group of a dozen or so.
These others must be destroyed. I'll help. Darwin will thank us.
--------------------------------------------------------------
"Stick around!"
-Governor of California throwing a hunting knife into a man's chest
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Heroic Knight
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I liked The Rock...
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Insurrection:"Of course, if I used some extra resources I could raise my chances of success to very poor...."
Riftworld: "This? This is not a problem, its a challenge. Now can someone help me open this jar?"
LT: [Not allowed a speaking (or writing) part.]
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Heroic Knight
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| You missed out the part where Bumblebee pisses on a government agent and all of the Autobots (and the mongoloid fuck-pigs who made up the entire rest of the audience when I saw it, and howled with laughter at every heavily-signposted joke) thought it was hilarious. The only good thing about the film is the Transformers themselves - they do look absolutely fantastic, and as awful as the film was my inner child couldn't help but grin massively when Optimus first transformed. I also think that, despite the bad directing, the fight scenes worked simply for the incredible sense of impact. Blue-screen CGI combat often feels totally weightless and soft, but there was a real sense of weight to the Transformers that, for example, the Hulk was sorely missing. With hindsight, however, I think that these things actually make me hate the film more, not less - imagine how fantastic it could have been if that technology had been given to a competent director with a solid script and good actors behind him. Michael Bay has raped my childhood, and I will not rest until I see him on fire.
No spoken or written word can ever be a substitute for one's own practical experience. No-one too can convince another who does not wish to believe what he is told - only the doubter loses by his incredulity - T.C. Lethbridge
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